Deepest Cellars & Gallagher's Soil
[Archivists note: Document below was a photocopied transcript of an audio recording. Our team has not been able to access the original audio, so take it with a grain of salt. The chances of this one being fake are quite high. The details about Gallagher's soil, however, are relatively accurate.]
All stories about the so-called "Deepest Cellars" are completely unverifiable. This is due to many reasons, firstly the vast majority of those who visit the lowest levels of Old House never return. According to lore, some have thought they escaped, lived entire lives, started families, coped with the trauma of Old House, only to die peacefully and awaken right back in the darkest depths of Old House. Again most of these stories are hearsay at best, outright fabrication at worst.
Countless malicious scams have formed around the Old House Lore. Many similar to psychic/ cold reading scams. IE: "Pay me to help you rescue a dead loved one from Old House." Still, the creativity of some of these stories, no matter how absurd, is something to be studied. Many Old House Enthusiasts liken their obsession to internet lore such as the SCP foundation and the Backrooms. They don't believe a single word of it, yet pretend it is all real. You can see how this further obfuscates the difference between truth and lies.
Take, for example, the absurd stories of "Sal", a supposed anchor that "tickles people to death". It is something that seems more at home in a creepypasta forum than a field of academic study. Yet the myth persists. Sal, the many fingered anchor who tickles unsuspecting trespassers to literal death. I can only find myself laughing at the utter absurdity of the notion and–
-at this point in the recording a harsh static interrupts the speaker. Then the sound of breathing, echoey reverb. The ambiance sounds like a sewer, dripping water. [some have claimed this is simply a track from a SFX library, but this claim has never been proven or disproven]
The breathing, close to the recording device, quickens, panicked. The sound of running, feet sloshing through water, a man cursing under his breath, and then the sound of laughter. Not just one person laughing, but dozens, full on cackling like an overzealous sitcom audience, getting closer, closer, the man's breathing quickens more, his footsteps getting faster and faster until the audio cuts back to the previous narration:
–Which brings us to the "Gallagher's Soil Jar". A glass jar filled with dirt that supposedly contains bacteria not native to our "Overworld". Proponents of this "evidence" often cite the 1993 lab report titled "Analysis of bacterial communities within Gallagher's soil sample" as irrefutable evidence that Old House exists. Firstly, let me state the obvious. A lab report can be easily faked. No credible person has ever stepped forward and claimed they conducted these tests, in fact most credible people aren't even aware of "Gallagher’s Soil" to begin with.
Now, let's say these tests were real, and an unfamiliar bacteria was discovered in this soil. Even that would prove nothing. Biologists discover new bacteria every single day. Of course, at this point a supporter of the "Gallagher's Soil Theory" (which let me point out isn't even a theory in the proper sense of the word) would likely just refer me to yet another debunked "research" paper.
"Do your own research" they often say [audio here is obscured by static interference]
So you can understand how frustrating these communities can be when it comes to a rational, scientific approach on these subjects. Despite this, I can't help but be magnetically drawn to it all.
UPDATE: I met a self-proclaimed "Old House Guide" today. The lengths people go to scam idiots never fails to impress me. Still, I was expecting money to be brought up, but to my surprise it was never mentioned. Give it time.
UPDATE: I met again with the Old House Guide. I've had to spin a yarn about how I'm trying to find a lost loved one. They seem very picky who they choose for their tours. Likely searching for easy targets.
UPDATE: Third meeting with Guide, still no mention of payment brought up. I even inquired about it myself. The guide says payment is never asked, and informed me to avoid any "guide" that requests money. Still not enough to rule out a long game scam. Not even close.
UPDATE: Tomorrow is the day we enter OLD HOUSE. The guide has "vetted" me and deemed that I am "worthy" of entry. She chuckled at that, self-aware of the insanity. Her authenticity puts me off guard. If this is a ruse, she is quite committed. That, or she truly believes it herself. We are to meet in a lumber museum in the town of Weatherford. She claims at 3:23pm on Wednesdays, a mysterious employee can be seen circling the chainsaw exhibit. An old woman with green eyes. We are to talk to this woman, and if we say the right things she will escort us to the basement, and then we will enter an Old House foyer. I have informed relevant parties where I am going and what I am doing. Should I not reappear after entering the basement, my organs will surely show up on the black market shortly thereafter.
UPDATE: I have thrown up countless times since the museum, cannot eat, can barely drink. Did they drug me? Faces look different now. The guide warned me about this. Did they spike my coffee? I tried to leave, tried to go to the police, but whenever I stray from the Guide's path, I feel my sanity slipping even further. Stay on the path. Stay on the path.
[Archivists note: transcript ends here]